Wanting

If I examine myself, I know that I'll find a list of things I desperately (or just moderately) am longing for. Let's see what those are...


I want to get my fingerprints on "Franny & Zooey" (J.D. Salinger)

I want more sleep

I want more motivation to read my books for school

...so that I'm not up late so that I can get more sleep

I don't want to feel hate and tension towards other people, because we've all got our own faults and problems

I want to feel God in my life more

I want to be more confident so that I feel like a whole person and not one thrown around by feelings and what other people say

I want to stop itching from that long, hot shower I took

I want thrill in my life but also diligence so I won't get all caught up in looking for thrill but not finding it because I'm anxious about an agenda I didn't finish

Sigh . . . .

Lots of things. My back is slouched, I have something like a subtle headache from getting too much sleep at the wrong time, and my eyebrows are in a worried, stern position. My last wish is:



I wish I could leap out of my body as a terrifying skeleton and beat my self-centered, -pitying, -seeking, -righteous bit of flesh and muscle into pulp with a baseball bat.

That is all right now.

After all these years, they still hold a special place in my heart

(Sort of) new Myspace site

http://www.myspace.com/jeremycraigweber

Now, these aren't perfect recordings, or really fleshed out much, but they get the point across.

Hope you like the little pictorials that represent the different songs :)

Cheers to the listeners! Thank you all for listening so much already. Makes me feel like a wallet full of two twenty-dollar bills and a $25 Gift card to Borders.

"Dream Sequence" (a song)

Expressionless
Are the faces
Wanting to make
Smiles

Inability
To write music
That would touch a
Soul

Memories that touch the human soul
Have been too often cold

You don’t have to smile
From what has become this while

After all, as we know
Nothing’s right and nothing keeps
So cry, or smile your way to sleep

Questions of, “Should I try,”
“Should I Cry,” “Should I care?”
Drop care, so you can think

(And) Dream, dream a life
Perfect, in all its defects

Stream, stream your mind
For perfect, in what you’ve lost

"I admire" (a song)

I admire someone who’s kind
Who has the voice and the smile
That can illuminate a dark, dreary day

I admire someone who tries
Tries to understand her life
Tries to seek anything that does not spell “strife”

Anywhere she goes she shines
She’s not extinguished by the times
She carries strong her little torch
I would like to know this girl more

I admire her who has substance
Her who has sustenance
Whose sponge is wet and never will run dry

Someone who admits they don’t know
Her who’s not scared to show her weakness
But glows for she knows that by God she’ll grow

I’m not saying I know her yet
Lots of things we must not forget
Of how much I’ve been in love (haw)
Of how much I’ve burned myself

Standing there
I feel like such a child
I’m trying to join in
But beside all the while
From the hall
I hear that awesome laugh
It makes me want to babble, cry, or bask

So I admire a little wit
Pleasantly catches me off guard
As my heart's pounding and I'm bounding past the yard

And all the stupidness I feel
Feels less harmful when you make
One wise crack as my mind's burning at the stake

Anywhere she goes she shines
She’s not extinguished by the times
She carries strong her little torch
I would like to know this girl…

Standing there
I feel like such a child
I’m trying to join in
But beside all the while
From the hall
I hear that awesome laugh
It makes me want to babble, cry, or bask

Anywhere she goes she shines
She’s not extinguished by the times
She carries strong her little torch
I would like to know this girl more

A Cert'in Yearnin'

Listen. I want to write a story. Then I want to show it to a bunch of other friends who find writing stories a phenomenon, like I do. Then I want to draw a big picture, 2 ½ feet by 3 and show it to the same friends who also find that creating images is a quality way to spend one’s time. We all love the smell of paint, paper, coffee, and charcoal. I love their company. I can come to them with anything creative I do. They’re always appreciative.

I wish these were my circumstances, that I had a large circle of friends like this. But it’s not like this. I have a busy schedule that doesn’t even allow me to be around one person like this for an extended period of time. So I’m forced to write on my own, to create on my own. All by my lonesome; and it’s not just like writing flows out of me without any effort at all. I have to at least choose to do it, so that’s what I’ve been doing lately. Success comes through committing yourself again and again to your desired goal. Well, I want to be a good writer. Therefore I must write whenever I can, and whenever I feel like it. Once I get going I can keep going; all it takes is for me to start doing it. That’s what I did about 10 minutes ago when I began writing this bit of…whatever it is.

Now, I’ll admit: I’m hesitant to start any big writing project, because that means you have to stick with something. But maybe my fear has to do with having to keep committing myself to the goal. If I can simply keep on committing myself, which isn’t actually difficult for me to do with writing, then I know—well, now that I think about it—that I am adequate to complete a big writing project. Committing myself, again and again…hm. It’s like repenting to God each day and letting him work through you. I pray that God would take my life each day, as well as my writing, and help me produce great things for His glory. That would be awesome. I have to keep in mind that committing to God comes first, then personal creation. I feel dirty and sinful right now.